Some of my friends have a fart making app on their iPhone and they bring it out whenever they feel the occasion calls for a simulation of the noise gas makes while escaping a body orifice.

Oddly, I find that those occasions occur more often than I care to admit. It's usually when some self obsessed blowhard can't seem to take yawning and feigning interest in pocket lint as a hint that he or she should shut the hell up. Though the real thing works best, a well timed blast from a fart simulator can still even the most energetic jaws. Fight fire with fire, as someone famous once said, but in this case it's fighting hot air with simulated hot air.

Though I can find use for fake flatulence I refuse to infect my iPhone with an app that produces such.

Am I a bum bugle-app snob?

You betcha.

It's not that I think that body sound simulators are childish (they are) and not the least bit funny (they can be), it's just that there are so many of them.

No kidding, there are at least 30 apps on the iTunes Store with the word 'fart' in the title. I guess it never occurred to me that a fake backdoor breeze maker would be so popular. What does that say about the iPhone community in general?

If I'm to waste time it won't be playing with butt-thunder fakers. I prefer more cerebral stimulation, like sudoku for instance.

I like solving these puzzles even though they aren't in vogue as they once were. I challenge myself to solve the simple puzzles without space marking (it's probably called by some other name, but it's the system I use to annotate the possible number that can go into any particular square) and in under ten minutes. My fastest time is just under five minutes though I have taken as long as 16 minutes. These are simple puzzles, mind you. I take a lot longer on the tougher ones.

I play sudoku enough that I bought an iPhone sudoku app; Big Bang Sudoku is only 99 cents and has features I like. If you sudoku only occasionally then spending even a buck may be a waste. For you there is Sudoku (Free).

This is a full featured sudoku app that is, in some ways, better than my 99 cent game. Sudoku (Free) offers a nice marking system, a clean interface, and four levels of difficulty.

And, as the name implies, Sudoku (Free) is free.

OK, speaking of puzzles and ignoring the urge to play Taps on a simulated bum-trumpet, remember those cheap little plastic puzzles that were square and had 15 little numbered squares in them along with an empty square and the point was to get all the numbers lined up consecutively? Anyone younger that 25 may not recall them. I think they got pulled from American markets because of the potential choke hazards the little plastic pieces presented. That's a shame because they were so numerous that they were part of the fabric of growing up in America (that is if you survived the choking hazard).

These little puzzle were not especially fun, but there were many different styles of them; some just the plain old black plastic with white Chiclet-like puzzle pieces while others where better made wooden puzzles with interesting adornments.

When I was playing with them I didn't realize that I was attempting to solve a puzzle that may not have a solution. Apparently, depending on how the tiles are arranged, you may find that it's impossible to get the numbers lined up regardless of how many moves you make.

So where's the fun in that? I guess the fun is in the attempt.

Or not.

Anyway, if you're feeling a touch of nostalgia and want to relive those crazy carefree days of your youth then you might want to download 15 Puzzle from Gandreas Software.

What's nice here is that you can choose the puzzle size, shape (square or rectangle), and replace the numbers with photos from your library. It has a nice interface and it actually makes the 15 Puzzle puzzle kinda fun.

It's free, but then, so were so many of the real puzzles. This is tougher to choke on I suppose.

OK, I'll admit it. I have one of those silly gag gas generators on my iPhone. It's not something I'm proud of, butt there is still a kid in me that finds flatulence funny.

What can I say, I'm a well rounded type o' guy. I can solve sudoku puzzles one minute and release bottom thunder the next.

If you haven't yet succumbed to that little kid in you that wants to press the fart button, or if you are in the least bit curious why these apps are so popular then you might want to pick up Atomic Fart FREE.

Here you'll find a nice selection of southbound gas sounds that are sure to elicit a smile on the sternest countenance.

The added bonus is that all of the sounds are odor free: more sound, less smelly.

Get Atomic Fart FREE and add a little spice to those quiet moments. Go on. You know you want to. (Hey, pull my finger!!)

Well, that a wrap for this week.

More free stuff below with direct links.

Vern Seward is a writer who currently lives in Orlando, FL. He’s been a Mac fan since Atari Computers folded, but has worked with computers of nearly every type for 20 years.