So who do we think is the creepiest Cylon? Is it Leoben, who has Starbuck trapped in the world's most frakked up Lifetime movie ever? Or Brother Dean Stockwell, who's terribly busy having lots of eyeball-singing sex with Lady Tigh in exchange for the newly-cyclopsed Colonel's release from a Cylon detention center?

You know what? Even though I will soak my head in a vat of bleach if I have to hear any further elaboration on "the swirl," I must go with Leoben, whose special brand of quiet crazy is perfectly conveyed via the demented, cagey-eyed gazes of Callum Keith Rennie. Watching him mentally tussle with Starbuck makes for some of the most chilling, edge-of-the-seat moments in these first two episodes. And Kara -- still sporting her long, pretty hair, though it clearly hasn't been conditioned in a good while -- isn't too far from The Crazy herself. That scene where she stabs him? And then sits down and calmly cuts into her dang steak? And her hand is bathed in blood, but she doesn't care, maybe because the steak is really good? Amazing. Frightening. Katee Sackhoff may soon replace Mary McDonnell as my TV Girlfriend, so beautifully does she make the character's general unhingedness palpable. Leoben steps it up by introducing Kara to a cute little girl named Casey, who is...their daughter. Maybe. Money's on the kid being some kind of made-up piece of his elaborate scheme, but who knows?

Meanwhile, the New Caprican Resistance continues. Webisode stars Duck and Jammer join the Cylons' secret police, but for Duck, it's just a ruse so he can suicide bomb their graduation ceremony. This leads to the Cylons wanting to send a message, which they do by rounding up a bunch of humans, including Roslin and Cally.

A word about Cally: She's a fascinating, sometimes disturbing character, no? I mean, I suppose that description could apply to just about anyone on this show, but Cally, in particular, has always drawn me in and provoked extended thought. I think it's because there's a certain deceptive quality about her. In some lights, she looks all of 12 -- saucer-eyed, that gentle fringe of bangs sweeping just so. But there's something genuinely frightening bubbling underneath all that and it's occasionally channeled into a ferocious, single-minded, morally-questionable goal, like shooting Boomer. Right? Am I totally off here?

Boomer knows. That single moment wherein she tells Cally that she and Chief also talked about starting a family and then Cally does this sort of graceful, threatening, "I'm gonna getcha...but not right now" movement and Boomer totally backs off? Potent. Scary in that Cally-esque way. And the thing is, I don't know if I even like Cally, if that makes sense. But whenever she's onscreen -- and I especially felt this during these two gut-wrenching hours -- I can't look away.

All this and I haven't even gotten to what's up with our friends on Galactica and Pegasus. Adama? Still pornoriffic. Apollo? Still fat. In fact, Ron D. Moore really, really wants you to know just how fat he is. Therefore, we are subjected to an extended towel sequence, loving close-ups of the fat-suited gut included. And then Lee spends an entire scene stuffing his face and chewing, chewing, chewing on what must be some extremely chewy, Starburstian snack. And both Dualla and Adama comment on the fatness at some point -- Adama's commentary, which actually includes the words "fat ass," being the harsher one.

While I'm sure at least a few of my fellow geeks have already made this particular quote into their email signature, it's not the simple, tossed-off one-liner it could have been. Making Apollo Fat Apollo really exposes cracks in the character's foundation that I don't think were as apparent before. It also makes for excellent, poignant focus on the Lee/Adama relationship -- their interaction is satisfying in a way it hasn't been for a while. The fractiousness is gripping enough, but then Adama tells Lee to take the Pegasus and get back to looking for Earth and there's a hug and...sigh. I'm such a sucker for a hug, especially the manly sort between two gruff types who are just trying to convey that they actually do care about each other.

Other snuffly moments include The Resistance finally making contact with the fleet and Adama making Sharon Agathon an officer. Aww! Sharon Agathon! Sharon and Helo got married! (Helo, incidentally, is now sporting a haircut that the members of my nerdly-leaning household like to refer to as "The Romulan." It works for him). Anyway, the strange, solid trust built between Adama and Sharon is truly lovely to behold, and I've gotta give it up to Grace Park -- not every young actor can hold their own opposite The Olmos, but she totally does.

We end edge-of-the-seat-style, with a bunch of the detainees facing execution. Guilt-ridden Jammer cuts Cally loose, and she hightails it outta there. Roslin and Zarek (!) are in the line of fire and we are left hanging about their ultimate fate. Roslin really better not be dead, or I will go all Scary Cally on this show's ass. Oh, and Sharon A. is leading Galactica's mission to New Caprica and we can only hope she succeeds. And also that she and Boomer don't have some sort of awkward run-in, but you know they probably will and...wait, what am I talking about? Of course we hope that she and Boomer have some sort of awkward run-in!

These two hours really highlight, I think, all the elements that make Galactica such gripping television. Every single relationship is rife with complexities. Every storyline is embroidered with microscopic intricacies that aren't apparent upon the first viewing. And hot damn, do they know how to do action.

So, a special note to Fat Apollo, Scary Cally and Krazy Kara: please make this week go by faster, because I can't imagine seven whole days without y'all.

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Battlestar Galactica
"Occupation/"Precipice"