Showing the classic signs of an addict, Darcy is spending media studies checking out her MySpace - er, MyRoom - page while Snake is blathering on about conglomerates or some such nonsense. Funny how it’s been years since I’ve been in school and I’m still able to tune out when a teacher is speaking.

Of course, Darcy is chatting online with Adams, the guy who sent her money for her smutty pictures via Peter, and she’s getting all gooey because he’s telling her she’s hot. Any student worth their salt knows that online usage at school is monitored, which is essentially what Snake tells her after the bell rings. "Your grades are slipping," he gently warns her. "Fine, I’ll try harder," she spits rebelliously. "Can I go now?" With that, she stalks out of the room, practically wearing an "I’m In Over My Head" sandwich board.

In class, one of the teachers - I forget his name - is rambling on about looking for shapes. The bell rings and Peter tells Darcy, "I bet Adams knows the shape he’s looking for - yours." Darcy wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Why are you always so gross?" she asks. Darcy, asking Peter why he’s gross is like asking grass why it’s green. Peter asks her to come over to do a photo shoot, but Darcy says she won’t do it without Manny. Peter asks her if she really doesn’t want to make cash. "You’re not my pimp, okay?" Darcy says. Yeah, we’re a little past that point, Darce. Of course she says she’ll think about it when Peter suggests the boys need new outfits for spirit squad. What, shorty shorts don’t work for them?

In the locker rooms, Manny warns Darcy to watch out for Peter. Darcy says, "I’m with Spinner." The two of them repeat this round of conversation so many times that I wonder if my DVR is stuck, but no, they’re just on repeat.

Time for the second storyline! Jesse locks everyone out of the office so he can make out with Ellie on his desk, until she feigns issue with making a deadline. Five bucks says she’s a virgin and freaked out about hooking up with him. And over dinner with Ash, we find...ding, ding, ding! "If you can’t talk about it, you should at least be prepared," Ash recommends. I smell something awkward and funny coming up wherein Ellie gets busted with birth control!

And at the rate Darcy is going, she’s gonna need some too. She’s so aggressive with Spinner that he actually asks her to slow down. What’s up with that? Are we in bizarre-o Degrassi land all of a sudden? "Darce, these days it’s like you’re gonna jump out of your own skin," Spinner says. No, just her clothes. "Do you want to talk about what’s going on?" Okay, we’re most definitely in bizarre-o Degrassi land. No, Darcy doesn’t want to talk, she wants to show him something. She leads him up to her room and shows him the pictures she took for her MyRoom page, which makes Spinner flip. And split.

Story the second: Naturally, Ellie bashes into Jessie carrying a full load of birth control options. Horrors!

Back at home, Darcy is messaging with Adams about what happened with Spinner and he tells her she doesn’t need that kind of BS. She also doesn’t need to be taking questionable pictures with Peter, but she’s doing that anyway. She asks if he thinks she’s weird, and naturally he says no, she’s beautiful. So what does she do? Heads on over to Peter’s.

"Was it a fight or the fight?" Peter asks. "You guys break up?" Darcy says she doesn’t know. Peter starts yammering on about when Emma dumped him and how cool it’s been to hang with Darcy, but she’s all business. "I want to get these pictures up by tonight," she says, and closes the door on him so she can change. Which she does. Into a Catholic school girl outfit. Cue the montage of photo taking, still sadly missing an 80s soundtrack! (C’mon, you know "Don’t You Want Me" would be great for this scene.)

The next day at school, Darcy encounters Danny and Derek in the hallway. They’re cat calling her. Why? ’Cause they hacked into her supposed private photo page and printed out her risqu� shots. They blackmail her for $20. "We also want a shot of your bazoombas by Friday," Danny tells her. Darcy freaks and pays them, but insists, "Bazoombas are off the table." She runs off to dismantle the page as Derek says, "Bazoombas? Dude, you’re so lame." He’s just clueing in to this now? Also, way too many D names in that scene for my liking. I’m on a two D limit.

Cut to Darcy trying to figure out if she should delete her page or not, as Adam comes online and tries to chat her up. Darcy tries to click delete. Adams tries to get her to talk. Oh, the drama! In the end she decides to delete it, then goes to Friendship Club, where she tries to make an impassioned and thinly veiled plea to Spinner to forgive her for the picture sluttery. Spinner splits as soon as they’re done, so Darcy chases after him. "Spinner, it’s all over - I took the page down," she pleas. "You’re right, Darcy, it is all over," he says, handing her printed copies of the shots from her page. Darcy protests, but Spinner vocalizes what we’re all thinking and calls her on the mat for being such a hypocrite. She asks to know who he got the pictures from. "It was Peter," he said. Like anyone is going to be shocked about that - come on. The little rich kid who can’t get mommy and daddy’s attention is acting out? No, that never happens! Meanwhile, a creepy man - who is so totally Adams - wanders in and tries to track "someone" down, and runs into Hazilakos, who scares him off.

Meanwhile, Darcy finds Peter and shoves him into a locker. "Why would you go and do something so horrible?" she asks. For the same reason why he’s always gross! He’s Peter! And of course he tells her the things the rest of us already know: he’s a scumbag, he was trying to get Darcy to himself, and oh yeah, Adams isn’t really a friend of his, he’s a "bored lonely loser with money." And now, Darcy will find out what happens when you make deals with the devil.

Darcy and Claire are walking home when Creepy Man approaches them. Adams? Ding, ding, ding! Darcy tells Claire to get in the house as Adams gets way too familiar with her, she motions to Claire to call 911.

El two: Ellie pitches a story about sexual health and gets shot down, because everyone and their dog knows she pitched it to hide her embarrassment over getting busted.

Finally the cops show up and grab Adams as Darcy runs to the house. They cram him in the back of the cruiser as Darcy watches from the porch. I’m willing to bet this is the first time she hasn’t been eager to get online when she got home. God, didn’t she watch the first episode of the first season when Emma ran into an Internet predator? The internet is an evil place! This site excluded, of course.

And on the runner up, Ellie tries to quit the paper out of embarrassment, but Jessie won’t let her. Then he says they need to have a talk about them and where they’re going. Dude, I’m telling you - bizarre-o land.

"So they’re gonna take our computer away for evidence," Darcy says. Claire tries to comfort her, but Darcy cries that everyone is going to find out. They assure one another that they’re good, even though Darcy says she’s mixed up. "You can be good and mixed up at the same time," Claire tells her. "I hope you’re right," Darcy says. They hug. It’s all very heartwarming.

Quote of the episode goes to Danny for his use of the word Bazoombas, which was a euphemism for breasts that I’d never heard before. And next week, Alex is a bitch! It’s good they’re keeping with the grass is green/Peter is gross theme.

iTunes Links

Degrassi: The Next Generation - Series
Degrassi: The Next Generation - Season 6
"Eyes Without a Face, pt. 2"

Vern Seward is a writer who currently lives in Orlando, FL. He’s been a Mac fan since Atari Computers folded, but has worked with computers of nearly every type for 20 years.