Episode 3.12: "Par Avion"
Original Airdate: March 14th, 2007

I’m not even really sure what to say.

I don’t think there’s been an episode of Lost yet where I haven’t had some form of immediate gut reaction, whether it was "OH EM GEE that were AWESOHMEY!" or "Good gravy, that stank up the joint."

Last night, I watched "Par Avion" and shut off the television afterward in a state of near-numbness. That quickly led to near-panic, as I realized I had a review due in 24 hours and absolutely NOTHING to write in it.

But it’s the numb part that’s intriguing. Lost can be very very good; it can be very very bad. What it has never been for me is very very boring.

So what made "Par Avion" such a snoozer? Let me count the ways:
1) Claire. I know, I know--I’m the first person to whine when there’s too many Jack/Kate/Sawyer flashbacks, and I appreciate it when the writers at least pretend that they give a crap about anyone else on the island. But Claire? Come on. If she’s not at the top of the current kill list in the writers’ room, I’ll eat my hat. My delicious chocolate hat.

2) Jack’s dad also being Claire’s dad. This was not any kind of substantial "revelation" to me, as it seemed telegraphed many episodes ago when the writers first explored Jack’s father and what he was doing in Australia. It also has less than no payoff, since as the flashback occurs, Claire is too busy bitching about birds and Jack is playing football with the Others.

3) Those wacky wandering castaways. Really, what did they even accomplish this episode? They threw a guy into a "sonic disruptor," or some such nonsense, then built a tree branch "ladder" to climb over the disruptor, then saw Jack. That’s it. The only portion that appealed to me at all was Sayid actually bickering with Locke, which was unexpected, since usually the writers forget what happened the last episode and don’t really move character relationships forward in any interesting way.

4) The whole bird thing. I’ll admit--tying a note to the leg of the nearest bird hadn’t occurred to me quite yet. But then, I’m not ACTUALLY trapped on a desert island in the middle of nowhere. If I were, I can guaran-damn-tee you that I’d be spending all day, every day thinking of new ways to try and get home. That’s when I’d notice the birds.

5) Desmond and Charlie’s obtuseness with Claire. Talk about artificial, convoluted drama. Why not just tell her what’s going on? How will this piece of strange, shocking news suddenly freak her out when she’s spent nearly three months living on an island where polar bears live in the tropical jungle and a big smoky black monster appears out of nowhere to kill people?

6) Locke’s reason for joining Kate and Sayid on their trek to rescue Jack. An interesting character beat, but largely pointless, since the previews for next week already show Locke confronting Ben. Which, again, is interesting and a decent wrinkle. But why make it some kind of big secret when you’re going to reveal said big secret twenty to thirty minutes later in a preview for next week?

That’s all I got. And that wasn’t even frustrating to type. What can you say about a show when it bores you? Apparently, a few things.

iTunes Links:

Lost Series
Lost Season 3
"Par Avion"

Vern Seward is a writer who currently lives in Orlando, FL. He’s been a Mac fan since Atari Computers folded, but has worked with computers of nearly every type for 20 years.