Sometime way back, I mean way, WAY back when life on Earth consisted of a tiny one-celled creature living in a stagnant pool whiling away its time looking for something to eat, something happened that caused it to split in to two cells. Once split the RNA of one cell changed slightly. It was still very similar to the cell it had split from, but it was different enough such that the original cell couldn't decide whether or not to eat it. So, while it was deciding it stayed very close to the new cell. (Back then brains were not invented so deciding anything took a long time.)

Over the course of time spent hanging out and deciding the original cell grew to appreciate the differences in the new cell. Maybe it liked the curves of the new cell, or maybe the new cell had a great, umm, flange. Whatever the reason the original cell found that it couldn't consume the new cell, instead it just wanted to continue hanging out with it, share food, watch sunsets; in short, the pair of cells cohabited through mutual adoration for each other's qualities.

And so, love was born.

I can't prove that's how it all went down, but it had to be something similar to my rendition; when we are in love every cell in our bodies knows about it and reacts accordingly. How else do you explain why normally agile adults become spastic children in the presence of the ones they love? Suave and debonair guys become stammering, clumsy idiots, cool, sexy women become giggly schoolgirls and the rest of us pretty much fall to pieces when the object of our affection is near.

We want to be around that person more than anything and it would be absolute heaven if that person reciprocated that want.

Dark rooms become brighter when that person is around, bad days become good and on good days you listen to pop music and break out in song, actually skip a few times while walking, and in general become a total nuisance to normal people around you.

Of course, that's just the positive side. There is a negative side to love, but I really don't want to talk about it...too painful, and if you've ever been in love then you feel my pain.

Many movies, books, songs, and poems have been created as tribute to love. It's a major theme for artists of every ilk. Scientist have tried to quantify it, breaking it down to electro-chemical levels in our brains.

That's possible I suppose, maybe even probable that the often irresistible attraction we feel towards another person is no more than some static and goo in our grey matter, but where's the fun in that?

Good or bad, love is great and I, for one, am glad for the emotion. I may not think so when the woman I think I love cuts my heart out with a plastic butter knife, slams in on a sidewalk covered with broken glass, and does the fandango on it in eleven inch stilettos, but I know I'll get over it (some year) and, if I'm lucky, find someone else to moon over.

If it sounds like I could use some help in the relationship department you'd be right, and I have a feeling I'm not alone. I may love love, but I don't understand it, and I don't understand how relationships are suppose to work. (Who knew that buying her that slick new digital scale that measures body fat, muscle tone, and coolness index was a huge no-no?)

Perhaps I could have sidestepped that fiasco if I had watched Howcast's Sex & Dating podcasts.

Safe sex, creative kissing, detecting potential psychos and much more are covered by these well done, funny, and informative shows. (Did you know that the longest on-screen kiss was between Regis Tommey and Jane Wyman in "You're in the Army Now"? 3 minutes and 5 seconds! Rock on Regis!)

This series is a godsend, all my life I've wanted to be a better flirter. (Is it still called flirting if guys do it? Flirting sounds so feminine.) There's an episode on flirting that sounds great, unfortunately I haven't been able to get the video to work. Still, I think that I can now flirt without the woman thinking I'm a demented stalker with an eye problem.

There are well over 40 episodes of Sex & Dating and there's something for everyone so grab a few and brush up on your techniques.

OK fellas, and you geeks out there please pay attention: Ever wonder why all of the hot women are attracted to guys that just dog them out? I mean these guys are cool, but not always, good looking some of the time, seldom rich, and usually bozos, but women will flock to these bozos like moths to flames.

Well, I hate to tell you this, but these bozos know a secret that keeps their Saturday nights forever occupied with fine females while you spend yours in your mom's basement playing Call to Duty.

And it's not even that much of a secret, but I won't tell you. You find out for your self by watching SargeNation's Dating Advice for Men.

OK, ignore the suggestive cover art for a moment..., no, really, ignore it and listen. These videos are not for the kiddies, frank and detailed discussions about sex are covered, so be warned.

What is also discussed are reasons why your sorry rump is planted in a gaming chair instead of shaking at some hot spot.

All kidding aside, this podcast is marginally better than reading books on how to seduce women. After watching a few episodes I really couldn't tell if the host, Jason Julius, is objectifying women or actually dispensing good advice to the hopelessly clueless (and me). Also, some videos point you to another website that almost smacks of porn and hawks videos of how to seduce women. (Gee, I've heard this somewhere before.)

I couldn't find a single mention of love, which is a shame. The good news is that if you are in a relationship some of the advice may be helpful for the inexperienced. Just mind your wallet.

I personally believe that an open discussion of sex and relationships between adults is healthy. Whether this is the proper venue is up to you to decide.

There are only 6 episodes of Dating Advice for Men at the iTunes Store, which is probably all that's needed to get people to visit the other site, and, once again, be warned that the topics are adult oriented, but mildly entertaining as well.

OK, if you want some dating advice that is not a sham for sex information videos you might check out ON Network's ON Dating.

Now here is some REAL advice about how to be a nice guys AND get the girl. Host Andrea Syrtash explains, in simple terms, that it's the interesting guys, not the bad boys, that turn women on. And you don't have to be bad to be interesting. (Amazing!)

There are over 30 episodes of ON Dating and all are chock full of good advice, and none point to websites where you can buy shady videos.

I'm a fan of ON Dating and if you are tired of Saturdays in your Mom's basement you'll become a fan too.

Lots of topics, lots of advice, and no pressure.

Go on. Try it. Think of dating as a real life gaming mission where the goal is to find some one who likes you. It may not be as hard as you think. After all, if one-celled animals can do it...

That's a wrap for this week.

More free iTunes Store stuff below (with direct links):

Vern Seward is a writer who currently lives in Orlando, FL. He’s been a Mac fan since Atari Computers folded, but has worked with computers of nearly every type for 20 years.