I do not have an iPhone. I live with one, which is good enough for me. I am not going to get an iPhone. At least not any time soon.

Let me don my asbestos suit before I say this:

It’s not good enough.

Wait! The flames! They burn!

But it’s true. While the iPhone is exactly what Apple has advertised it to be, it is not what I want it to be. (My primary computer is five years old and I keep a paper calendar, clearly I don’t need much.) I’m sure it will eventually be something which will require surgical removal from my person, but in the interim, I’m perfectly content to just hang out and watch The Husband fiddle with his new gadget while I use my ancient camera-less cell phone and dream about that new Samsung unit I will get in about 45 days.

The Husband doesn’t really understand why I don’t want an iPhone. One was offered to me, essentially for free. I still don’t want it. (No, you can’t have it either.) What, pray tell, am I waiting for?

Voice Dialing
I commute a minimum of 25 minutes to work, each direction, five days a week. I spend a lot of that time on the phone because it’s generally uninterrupted time. Without tactile feedback of buttons and no discernable single-motion speed dial funtion, I would cause many accidents trying to dial The Husband to find out what is for dinner.

I’ve checked. It’s a minimum of three "movements" to dial someone. Touch to awaken, slide to unlock, and then (if it was last in phone mode and on a screen that has the person I want to call listed) once I find The Husband on the list, I touch that. If I wasn’t last in phone mode, I’ll have to get back to the main menu so I can choose phone mode. My current phone requires me to flip it open and hold down the number two in order to dial home. "No, officer, I’m not intoxicated, I was trying to call in an order for Chinese take-out and couldn’t find their number."

SMS Messaging that doesn’t look like iChat
There’s a reason it’s generally called "texting." Because it’s plain text. iChat and the bubble interface have given me hives for the last few years. I’m an adult who doesn’t need talk-bubbles to add extra spice to her IM conversations. I appreciate being able to turn them off should I ever need to suffer through iChat. It would be nice to be able to scrap them on the iPhone as well.

The Static Dock
I understand that Apple wants Phone, Mail, Safari, and iPod to be my top four choices. They aren’t my top four. What if I’d rather have (for example) Phone, SMS, Calendar, and Notes as my top four? I can’t. I also want to be able to rearrange the (currently) twelve choices which aren’t in the Dock. And while we’re at it, can we have a background image for the menu page? And a pet unicorn and an endless supply of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream?

Ring tone choices
Really. If I can’t have the phone ring with Atlantic Starr’s "Secret Lovers" when a select few call or have "The Imperial March" start playing when work calls, then what’s the point? Hidden ringtone icons mean they’re coming, so I’m waiting. Back to dreaming about that Samsung phone...

Am I nitpicking? Without a doubt. I’m still waiting for iPhone 2.0, or at least 1.1. I’m perfectly happy thinking, "Oooh, shiny" and waiting a year for these features which I imagine will show up sooner rather than later. If I’m going to drop all this cash for a phone and plan, I want it to be what I want and need. (Plus there’s a lot of training for me to do in order to get ready to ditch that paper calendar.) It’s already so close to perfect, why not wait?